My brain could possibly explode.

This has been an incredibly hard week, and it's only Wednesday. I have a lot of things on my mind, and I'm almost certain that my brain could explode at any given moment. Big things always happen in my life during the week of final exams, and it makes me wonder if I'm cursed with some sort of bad luck plague that only hits during the most important week of the semester. As soon as I have this thought, I'm immediately flooded with guilt. There are so many other things going on that are so much bigger than final exams, and I almost feel like God waits until this week for these things to happen in order to keep me grounded. It makes me remember what is really important in life. It makes me realize that while burying myself in studying for my British Literature exam, the world continues turning. It does not stop for me, nor does it stop for anybody else.

Someone that I care for very much is going through a rough time right now. He's facing the realization that at some point in time, we are all going to die. There is no amount of love that can stop this from happening. However, I'm seeing a huge change in him. I'm seeing this strength and courage shine in his eyes like I've never seen before. He strongly believes that there is always hope in every bad situation. I believe that, too. I believe it for so many reasons, and none of these reasons is more important that another. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that it doesn't matter WHY, HOW, or WHERE one finds reason to hope. All that truly matters is that these reasons exist everywhere, and are open and available to anyone who truly wishes to find them. Seeing him be so strong and determined has inspired me to my very core. One day, I may be put in the same position as he, and I hope that I'll be able to find strength in God exactly as he has. When I talked to Gail about it, she reminded me that in some unexplainable way, God knows when we need strength, and those who believe can find this strength through Him. He's always there, and as long as one believes in him, he or she can get through just about anything. I'm so thankful to have people like Gail in my life. I'm blessed to have someone who I can call and cry to, and they just listen and offer the best advice and comfort that they can give. I've always wondered how she got through the grief she has had to endure over the years, and while I always thought it was due to her close relationship with God, I am now positive of that. She's one of the best friends I've ever had. When I think of family, her face is one of the first that I see in my mind. She's my hero. It makes me wonder if one day, I'll be someone's hero, too.

One of my very best friends in the entire world got engaged recently, and I was the first person she called when it happened! For the longest time, she felt as if she would never find true love. One day, when she least expected it, true love found her. From this, I learned that true love can't be found. It just isn't mean to happen that way. True love must find you. She asked me to be in her wedding, and I'm beyond thrilled about it! She's a beautiful girl, on the inside as well as the outside, and I'm honored that she asked me. We've been friends for a long time, and she's helped me through many things. People always ask if we're sisters, and looking back on everything we've gone through together, I realize that in a way, we are. She's getting married at the Catholic church in Hoover, and her reception is going to be AWESOME! We're going to dance, eat, and celebrate all night. She reserved an entire floor at a hotel that isn't far from the reception site, and we're all going to continue celebrating after the reception. It's going to be a great night, and I can't wait!

So, as I sit here, buried in notes about William Wordsworth, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, Anna Laetitia Barbould, Mary Robinson, William Blake, Lord Byron, Percy Shelley, John Keats, Lord Tennyson, Robert Browning, Matthew Arnold, Joseph Conrad, James Joyce, Dante Gabriel Rossetti, Christina Rossetti, T.S. Eliot, William Yeats, and other great English poets, I can't help but smile, despite all of the words about death. You see, in order to fully understand life, you must first be aware of death. It's funny how that works, isn't it? I'm reading through pages and pages of sorrowful words, and I'm grinning from ear to ear. I can't help but smile, because all of this makes me remember how much there is out there worth living for. Mitch Albom wrote, "In order to learn how to live, we must first learn how to die." I think that he must have taken British Lit, too. :)


"Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

For I have known them all already, known them all:--
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?"
- T.S. Eliot (The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock)