Ratfaces and Vertigo

The following is a list of things I've done in the past two weeks:
1. Went to doctor
2. Found out that my "cold" was really the flu.
3. Wrote 2 extremely long papers.
4. Stayed awake for four days straight....seriously. I was too sick and stressed to sleep.
5. Took finals
6. Ratface came to visit
7. Went to hospital
8. Found out that I had Vertigo
9. Spent 6 hours with Rat and Russ in the hospital
10. got VERY large shot in hip
11. woke up with no recollection of going home
12. took Shakespeare final the next morning
13. Rode to Nashville with Ratface and Russell
14. Wrote this.

My life is not exciting.

Credit to Ratface for the embarrassing photos. He's soooooo funny...NOT! :) Kidding!

The medicine seems to help with the vertigo. My ears still pop and feel stopped up a lot, and my vision is still blurry sometimes, but the dizziness is better. Any improvement is a plus!

I'll update again soon.

Critical Essay: "Thomas Hardy and the Impersonal Lyric" critique

Thomas Hardy: Impersonal or Personally Pessimistic?

Romantic poets display a variety of distinguishable characteristics. Just as the characteristics of Romantic works are varied, so are the personalities of Romantic poets. This seems reasonable when one considers the main idea behind Romantic poetry, which is the strong emphasis on feeling and emotion. Romantic poets rely largely on the idea of imagination, while also believing in the power of one’s own intuition. Many readers today feel that Romantic authors were fueled by a dislike for social order, as many of their works are built around the feeling that comes with freedom from rules. Romantic poems often showcase a love of beauty and nature. The experiences had by Romantic poets involving this love of beauty and nature are expressed in their works. Many critics believe that one’s account of an experience has more validity if it is written during the actual experience. For example, William Wordsworth is infamous for his accounts of experiences in nature, which were composed during the actual experience. Thomas Hardy’s works were not written about whatever event was occurring at the moment. Instead, Hardy’s works were the result of the understanding of an event after the event took place. Susan M. Miller’s critique of Thomas Hardy, titled, “Thomas Hardy and the impersonal lyric”, expresses her belief that Thomas Hardy’s poems are anti-Romantic. She sees Hardy’s works as expressions of his ideas rather than expressions of his emotions. While many Romantic poets obviously focused on one’s own experience, Miller feels that Hardy focused more on knowledge and understanding. She feels that when one’s understanding of an event happens after the event occurs, rather than as the event is occurring, it forces one to distance his or herself from the event. This, Miller explains, causes the event to become a psychological burden, making it difficult for one to recognize the meaning of the event at hand. Thomas Hardy would disagree with Miller’s opinion of understanding. He believed that any new understanding of an event was relative to one’s feeling about that particular event. In Hardy’s opinion, the fact that one understood an event was far more important than when the act of understanding took place. Miller’s view of Hardy’s emphasis of understanding is the reason she describes him as anti-Romantic. Hardy lived a life full of disappointments, and this led him to believe in fate. He uses the idea of fate in each of his works, which explains why most of his poems ended with a tone of disappointment. A poet writes of the world as he or she sees it, and through the eyes of Thomas Hardy, the world was a dreary place. While he may not have the traditional optimistic view of a Romantic poet, he does focus on feeling. His skeptical view of the world was not the result of a psychological burden, as Miller states. Instead, one could say that Hardy had a skeptical view of life because he felt that the world was cruel and unfair. He may not have focused on the same feelings as other Romantic poets, but that does not make Hardy anti-Romantic. His feelings were altered by the experiences he had during his own life. Without the experiences of his own life, he would not have the particular feelings about the world that he expressed in each of his works.

Miller’s first explanation of her belief that Hardy is anti-Romantic concerns Hardy’s perception of experience. She writes, “It is rather in the opportunity poetry gives us to view the shape of life from a less immediate vantage: to perceive the structure of human experience with
what Auden called a “hawk’s vision” — a perspective that exchanges immediacy for scope.” (Miller 96) Miller uses a poem by Hardy, titled “Your Last Drive”, as an example of his retrospective perception. In this poem, Hardy expresses his feeling that the true importance of a particular moment is not revealed through any point of view. This poem is coated in the heavy despair that Hardy felt about this event, and it is clear to readers that this anguish had been with him for quite a while. This poem was written about his first wife, from whom he was estranged. Her death made a huge impact on Hardy, as he regretted waiting until her death to realize how much he loved her. Hardy believed that no moment can ever reveal its true importance. One cannot possibly realize how much an event will change his or her life until he or she has had the opportunity to experience the feelings that come with the understanding of the event. In “Your Last Drive”, Hardy expresses what he believes his wife would have been thinking during her last drive if he had been in the car with her. He describes her thoughts in the last two lines of the poem, which state, “I go hence soon to my resting-place; you may miss me then.” In response to this poem, Miller writes, “The poem with its piling up of negations mocks the very idea that experience, lived moment by moment, might be other than inscrutable.” She believes that Hardy’s intended use of this poem was to ridicule the idea that any experience lived at the moment it occurs could possibly make legitimate sense. Miller’s response seems harsh when one considers the fact that Hardy was writing about someone who actually existed. This woman was someone that he truly loved, and his strong emotions towards this woman and her death sparked his imagination. He imagined the woman he loved taking one last drive. Then, Hardy thought about what could have been going through the mind of his wife during this drive. He continued to explore this thought by imagining what it would have been like if he were in the car with her during her last drive. In the end, he realized that either way, she would have been thinking the same thing. While Miller believes this is just another poem by Hardy that ends in disappointment, one could argue that the tone at the end of the poem is one of content and relief. Instead of regretting the fact that he was not with her, he realizes that his wife would have died regardless. He seems to be giving himself reason to let go of remorse and guilt. If Hardy had never had this idea, the weight of his guilt may have never been lifted. This does not fit well with Miller’s “psychological burden” theory.

Next, Miller discusses how little benefit hindsight gives to the readers of Hardy’s poems. She writes, “Rather than body out a world of “abundant recompense” that might hope to redeem past losses in a present gain of wisdom, Hardy emphasizes instead the tragic lateness of all
knowledge, so that the wisdom won through retrospection is less often a gift than a torment.” (Miller 98) By pointing out what she sees to be a flaw of Hardy’s, Miller actually admits that Hardy did not seem to focus on what his readers would learn from his poetry. Instead, he focused on thoughts that were products of his own feelings. He makes it clear that this poem was nothing more than a mere thought of his, a simple product of his own imagination. For someone described as anti-Romantic, Hardy seems to display quite a few Romantic characteristics in this poem. He does present, in this poem, the idea that one of life’s greatest tragedies is the fact that a true understanding of an event usually comes long after the event occurred. He recognizes that regret does exist in the mind of any person who has dealt with a great loss. Hardy is a man that has been broken by the ways of fate, and it is only natural that he felt the way he did. “The Last Drive” was only written by Hardy because of the regret he had concerning the death of his first wife. Charles Baudelaire said, "Romanticism is precisely situated neither in choice of subject, nor exact truth, but in a way of feeling." Hardy was not writing about his wife’s death. He was expressing his feelings about her death.

Miller discusses another poem by Hardy titled “Neutral Tones” to further explain her belief that he is anti-Romantic. She says, “Something about the plot structure is hypothetical or self-negating, so that the situation the poem describes announces itself as impossible — a drama that can be understood only as an experiment of the imagination and not as a lived experience.” (Miller 102) It seems odd she would describe an author that she believes is anti-Romantic in this particular way. A characteristic of a Romantic piece of work is the use of imagination. Another common theme in Romantic poetry is intuition, a description that could easily be twisted to mean something as negative as a phrase like “self-negating.” Hardy’s presentation of two opposite views in “Neutral Tones” is proof that he knew that there was more than one possible way to view an experience. If this poem portrays one point of view as being more valid than another, it is because he feels this way. He is, yet again, expressing a feeling. Just because Hardy’s feelings are quite different than Wordsworth’s does not mean that they are not valid feelings. Romantic works were based on feelings, and while most of these feelings were positive, it cannot be argued that negative feelings do exist. Hardy happened to present a more pessimistic way of thinking, which would lead to thoughts that were more likely to be negative than positive.
Thomas Hardy was a man who lived a tragic life. He knew the evil that existed in the world. He also knew that wonderful things existed, such as imagination, solitude, possibilities, experience, and feelings. He knew that completely irrational thoughts and ideas existed, but that these thoughts could one day make sense. This understanding could come at any point later in life, and whenever this happened, it would change how a person felt about life forever. The more one understands something, especially something tragic, the more real the event feels. While many people choose to walk through life blindly in order to protect themselves from feelings like remorse or guilt, Hardy faced his demons. Like most Romantic poets, Hardy was against the ideas of conformity and rules. As a result, he dared to break the rules. He felt sad, so he wrote sad poems. He knew the harsh reality of life, and he did not attempt to hide this in his poetry. Most importantly, Hardy allowed his poetry to take his experiences places that reality did not. Regardless of how the poem ended, at some point in it, Hardy placed the possibility of a different ending. He knew that life’s most important lessons were found in the journey, not the destination. The road is long, and in many cases, very rough. The possibilities are endless. In fact, in the end, the journey was the destination. To some, this may seem irrational. To Hardy, this may have taken 10 years to truly understand. Either way, it is far from being anti-Romantic.

I actually enjoyed writing this position paper!

Dickens, Charles. Hard Times. New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 1996.

When I hear Pink Floyd’s “Welcome to the Machine,” I think of Charles Dickens’ Hard Times. The first character who speaks in this novel is Mr. Gradgrind, who has just established a school. The book opens by him saying, “Now, what I want is, Facts. Teach these boys and girls nothing but Facts. Facts alone are wanted in life.” (Pg. 7) Gradgrind speaks in a mechanized manner, and his thoughts and actions are only of rational things. Gradgrind raises his own children in the same manner in which he wants to run his school. “Welcome to the Machine” begins with the line, “Welcome my son, welcome to the machine.” When I hear this, I picture Gradgrind standing in front of his school with open arms, ready to teach children the right way to live. The next line of “Welcome to the Machine” asks, “Where have you been?” This question is answered by the following line, which says, “It’s alright we know where you’ve been.” The question is both asked by someone who already knew the answer. Gradgrind uses this approach to show students an example of the right way to think. In the second chapter of Hard Times, Gradgrind asks two students for a definition of a horse. One student, Sissy Jupe, is unable to give a definition of a horse. Gradgrind ridicules her by saying, “Girl number twenty possessed of no facts in reference to one of the commonest of animals!” (9) Blitzer, the other student Gradgrind asked to give a definition, replied by listing facts about horses. This pleased Gradgrind, who then said, “Now, girl number twenty, you know what a horse is.” Clearly, Gradgrind knew that Sissy would not be able to answer his question. He only asked her in order to prove a point.

Since Gradgrind thinks of nothing other than facts, he does not have time for things that are fun or silly. In his mind, every single thing should make sense. There is no need for entertainment, according to Gradgrind. He says, “You must discard the word Fancy altogether. You have nothing to do with it.” He becomes very angry with his children in the third chapter of the novel when he catches them observing a circus through a hole in a fence. Circuses are not logical, nor do they serve a valid purpose. Pink Floyd’s “Welcome to the Machine” also addresses the idea of discarding fancy. The third and fourth lines read, “You’ve been in the pipeline, filling in time, provided with toys and Scouting for Boys.” Scouting for Boys is a book that was written by Robert Baden-Powell. It addresses many topics on how to act like a good citizen, including the idea that masturbation led to idiocy. Baden-Powell also suggested that men only had a certain amount of sperm, just as women only had a certain number of eggs. Just as Gradgrind uses facts to make sense of everything that he does not approve of, Baden-Powell creates a theory that makes his disapproval of masturbation seem logical.

The second half of Pink Floyd’s “Welcome to the Machine” addresses the act of dreaming. Lines eleven and twelve state, “What did you dream? It’s alright we told you what to dream.” Again, a question is asked and answered by the same source. Dreams are sacred. They are one of the few things that are truly personal. They are the product of one’s imagination, feelings, and lingering thoughts. Gradgrind wanted to remove these things from his students. He wanted them to believe that facts are facts, and anything that is not fact is not important. If a child is taught to only go by what is factual, and told to discard his or her imagination, the child’s dreams may just be a set of facts replaying over and over again.

The remaining lines of “Welcome to the machine” use the word “he” in place of “you.” These lines speak of the mysterious “he” driving a jaguar, eating steak at a restaurant, and playing guitar. However, the song ends with, “Welcome to the machine.” The person that drove the fancy car, ate at the expensive restaurant, and played a musical instrument for pleasure is part of the past. Even though fun did exist at some point, it was no longer of importance. The repetition of the line, “Welcome to the Machine” seem to say that there is no other option. Dickens wrote this novel in response the industrialization in England. He was disgusted by the way the government treated human beings as machines. Since the government was the source of power, it could be called the machine. Pink Floyd’s “Welcome to the Machine” and Dickens’ Hard Times both present an opposing view to this idea.

"Don't ever let life pass you by..."

fairest of ten thousand to my soul...

It did not rain today. I did not cry. We had a beautiful Easter service, and the church was packed full. It was so good to hear everyone laugh again. We honored Brother Larry's memory by decorating the church with beautiful lilies. He loved the song "Lily of the Valley." Miss Ann looked beautiful, as always. It was wonderful to see her smiling! Samantha sang in the choir today, and I know that Brother Larry would have been so proud of her. I was in Miss Ann's class when Samantha was born, and now she's as tall as I am. She's very beautiful, and she looks so much like Neva did when she was younger. Of course, Josh was precious, as he always is. He was wearing the cutest little suit! They're such a strong family, and they love our church just as much as Brother Larry always did. They mean so much to all of us.

Yes, this Easter was much different than any other I've ever had, but I'm okay. Things change, and all that we can do is just roll with it. Everything is going to be okay. No matter what happens, we will all see each other again. I really do believe that. It's going to be quite the celebration! :)

"He will never, never leave me, nor yet forsake me here,
While I live by faith and do His blessed will;
A wall of fire about me, I’ve nothing now to fear,
From His manna He my hungry soul shall fill.
Then sweeping up to glory to see His blessed face,
Where rivers of delight shall ever roll...."

Happy Easter to all of you!

rainy skies and the girl who cries

This morning, I stepped out of my door at 9:45 A.M. My English Novel class started at 10 A.M., and I really did not want to be late. The second I stepped off of my porch, it started to rain. I ran to the car, cranked it up, and proceeded to back into the trashcan, which the garbage truck workers so kindly left in the middle of my driveway. I did not get out to pick up the disgusting garbage can. The only reason I was even rushing for time was because I spent too long getting ready. I was not going to destroy my hair to pick up something gross in the rain. So, I left it in the middle of the street. I drove through a small monsoon to get to The Stone Center, which has, sadly, turned into my second home. Then, I ran in three inch satin heels and a new red dress while carrying my extremely large purse, two notebooks, and an umbrella. When I finally got to the door, I awkwardly closed the umbrella. I'm really terrible with umbrellas in general. I remembered my mom giving me that particular umbrella at Brother Larry's funeral.

We talked about religious issues today in class. We're reading A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man by James Joyce. Stephen, the main character, was raised in a strict Catholic school. He listened to countless sermons about the horrors of Hell, and he thought had to follow a strict set of rules if he did not want to end up in Hell. Our class discussed this for a long time, and I was shocked to see that some of my classmates had also heard many sermons like the ones in the novel. They were taught to fear God. They talked about how this turned them away from religion in general, and I could understand why it would. I almost felt guilty, because I never had to hear sermons like that. Brother Larry always focused on what we SHOULD do, rather than what we should NOT do. He taught us to love others, to be accepting of all types of people, and to reach out and help those who need us. I heard so many sermons about Heaven, all of which I remember very well. However, I do not recall any sermon that was focused on Hell. I learned to believe in a forgiving and gracious God. God is love. God is good. I wish that some of these people could have heard Brother Larry preach. I wish that I'd realized earlier how lucky I really was. I looked out the window, and to my surprise, the sun had come through the clouds. The rain was almost gone.

I walked out of class with a friend that I've had several courses with at JSU. He is a very considerate, thoughtful, and kind person. He is also a pastor, a husband, and a father. We talked about a classmate of ours that passed away this week from a heart attack. We talked about how Easter was going to be difficult this year. His wife is about to have a baby after a long period of time on bed rest. He has been exhausted, but still, he had time to show kindness to someone else. He said he'd keep me in his prayers, and I don't know if he'll ever realize how much I needed that. I hope that God blesses his wife with a safe and easy delivery, as well as a healthy baby!

Russell and I drove to Talladega, where we managed to go through 13 monsoons and one large hailstorm. We went to the Good Friday service at my church. There were not many people there, but I understand how hard it is. It's just too emotional. We've never done this without Brother Larry. Everything is different. Everyone just looks tired. The rain continued. The choir opened with "Were You There?" I cried. I just miss hearing him laugh. I miss everything. Russell got a peppermint out of his pocket, and I just lost it again. Usually, I'd just throw my hand back, and Uncle Randall would put a peppermint in it. He did not sit behind me today. For 21 years, he's been sitting behind me in church. His seat is empty now. I don't want him to be sick anymore. Leave him alone, cancer... leave all of us alone. It's not the peppermints that I need. I need everything to go back to the way it was. It was perfect. None of these people deserve to hurt the way that they do. None of them ever deserve to feel one ounce of pain.

I've cried every single day since January 06, 2009. If this keeps up, I'll drown in the tears.

Rainy Sunday

"Rain, Rain, go away. Come again another day. All the world is waiting for the sun."

Today has just been a sad day for me. Rainy days are always harder for me. Today, rain fell from a dark, gloomy sky. I looked out of the window while I did laundry, and what I saw reminded me of a certain rainy Sunday of the past. Yes, rainy days are harder, but rainy Sundays are the most difficult.

On days like this, I stay quiet. I find something to clean, laundry to fold, or dishes to wash. I enjoy the silence. I appreciate the solitude. I do some of my best thinking on rainy Sundays. Today, I worried. I hate hearing that he's in pain. I hate wondering if he's scared. I've never seen fear in his eyes before. I'd like to keep it that way. He's always reminded me of the scarecrow on Wizard of Oz, because he was wise without ever knowing it. If I was ever lost or scared, and then saw his face, I'd immediately be at ease. He can fix any problem. He always stays calm. He has to win this battle.

Please, don't let me be wrong.

Russell's Septoplasty

Today, my sweet boyfriend had to go under the knife. Because his nose was broken, he had to have his deviated septum repaired. The procedure is called a Septoplasty, and it is actually a complex surgery. The surgery lasted for one hour, and the recovery lasted for over two hours. His nose looks great! There is very little swelling and no bruising so far, which is great news! He is in a great deal of pain, though, and it kills me to see him hurting so badly. When Russell and I walked into The Surgery Center, I saw John and Eloise Sawyer! I was so touched by the kindness they showed by being there for Russell before his surgery. It meant so much to both of us, and I appreciate them taking their time to come. They are both wonderful people, and it is obvious that they really do care about our church family. They have been a blessing to all of us during these hard times. After John and Eloise left, my mom came. I am so thankful to have a mother who is there for me, as well as the love of my life. She sat with me for hours, and she will never know how much that meant to Russell and me. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful mom! She treats Russell like family, and it brightened up his day to see her face after he woke up in recovery. I hope she knows how thankful I am for her constant support! I wouldn't trade moms with anybody in the entire world. Mom might not be perfect, but she has a heart of gold. And, when you get down to it, that is ALL that matters. I just got off of the phone with Gail, who called to check on Russell. I know a lot of people, and even though there are SO many amazing people in my life, I have to admit that Gail is my favorite person in the world. She is always there for me. She understands me. She knows my faults, but they just don't matter to her. She loves me unconditionally, and I have no idea what my life would be like if she weren't such a huge part of it. Other people have called Mom to check on Russell, and I'd like to thank all of them, too. Everyone opened their hearts to Russell at our church, and I have never been happier! It's so wonderful to be in love with a person who also loves all of the people that are so important in my life. I would never be able to be with someone who did not see in my church family exactly what I see. He really does love that church. He really loves my family. He really loves my church family. He really does love my friends. And, he really, really, REALLY does love me! We occasionally argue over stupid things, but I know that as we continue to grow and mature, these petty arguments will become more rare as time goes on. And, even if they don't, I'll still love him just the same. I want to spend the rest of my life loving and learning with him, and if that is God's will, then I know that it will happen. He may be in a lot of pain today, but we are going to make it through it just fine. Thank you all for your thoughts, phone calls, and prayers. They mean more than you will ever know. I love you all so much!

HLT

MORE Spring Break pictures!

Me & Laura

My sweet!

I got tackled playing football.

My wife enjoys taking random photographs, haha! :)

Me & Lester (His real name is Brent. I should probably mention that)

I guess I was too lazy to sit up and join this picture!

I love my wife!

Me, Laura, Alex, and Lauren

Michael, Goon, Wife, Lauren, Lester, Me, Russell, Will, and Alex

Me, Lester, and Wife :)

This night was interesting, to say the least!

We are going to form a family band.

Me & Russ at The Boathouse

I should have just gone to sleep. Oh, well!

Do you try & treat others as you would want to be treated?:

I think that for a long time, I failed to think about the way I made other people feel. This means that I also did not consider how I would feel if the tables were turned. But, I can say that I really do try to do this now. I still fail sometimes, but I am definitely trying.

Does price or brand REALLY matter?:

I am really not the best grocery shopper in the world. That's about all I can say.

Who comes first in your life?:

I really do not know. I haven't thought about this lately. Every single day is different, and I think that it depends on what the day brings.

If you could help better the world,would you?:

I think that's why we're all here. We are all trying to find out what kind of mark we were meant to make while we're on Earth. Everybody wants to make a difference. Everybody wants to be remembered for doing something that changed the world. That's the easy part. That's a given. The real battle comes with trying to find out HOW we can make that mark, make a difference, and be remembered. That's where faith comes into the picture. That's the reason we're all trying to follow whatever path God has for us. We want to believe that He meant for us to do great things with our time here. It means that He is real, and that he believes in us as much as we do Him. It's the beauty of life.

If so,how?:

However I'm meant to.

Do you think it matters what others think of you?:

I think that it is really hard when others think something about me that I feel is unfair. I think that it really hurts to have someone say things about you that are not true. I think that it does matter what other people think. If I believe that I am a truly wonderful person, but everyone else thinks that I am horrible, then the problem is probably the perception I have of the type of person I am. However, I also believe that there are some people who will not like the type of person that I am, and I will not change myself just to make certain people like me. There is a big difference between everybody and certain people.

Are you able to have more than 1 friend at a time?:

Uh, seriously? I am not in elementary school. I would be miserable with just one friend. I like them all. They add SO much to my life!

What type of news grabs your attention the most?:

News about people that I know, I'd say.

Wish you could change anything in your life?:

Well, as nice as it would be to suddenly have millions of dollars and a few degrees, I'm pretty sure I would be the laziest sack of lard in the world if I had everything that I wanted. Oh, and life would be extremely boring. That would really suck.

Do you think all those close to you are always honest with you?:

I don't think anybody is ALWAYS honest with ANYBODY.

If you could remove 1 thing from the world,what would it be?:

Guns.

In any case,do you feel it's ok to cheat?:

Obviously, I would never win a board game if I did not cheat. :) Don't worry, I'm pretty open about this cheating, haha! It is not hidden very well.

What is your opinion on the world today?:

I think that our opinion of the world today will match the opinions of other people from different time periods. There has always been hate, war, anger, love, secrets, and insecurity. People have always thought that the world was ending. People have always looked back at the way things were when they were children and thought about how much simpler life was then. Times change... but the nature of human beings remains constant.

Who can you count on the most?:

I've been leaning pretty heavily on God lately. He is always there!

You always wanted to....?:

go to Europe.

Believe in "what goes around comes around"?:

Absolutely.

know any good sites or info that others may benefit from?:

I go to FMyLife.com every single day that I feel like I've had the worst day ever. Then, I laugh A LOT. We all love it, and it is hilarious!

You win a million playing lotto,would you help /share with others?:

I already have my charities picked out in case this ever happens!

Money DOES make the world go around because...?:

there is a price to everything...

All kids should have...?:

the chance to have great health care and solid educations.

What is one thing you will not give up?:

my dreams!

Would you risk your life to save a life?:

I don't think that anybody thinks before they put themselves in this situation. The people who do risk their lives to save another do it because of instinct.

What has been your mood while answering these questions?:

I'm really, REALLY exhausted. I'm going to go to sleep now. Goodnight.

Spring Break 2009

Me & Russ

Destin, FL :)

Beach Bums :)

xoxo!

Lester has the best laugh EVER!

Two of my favorite people in the world- wife & goon!

Michael and Goon

L.C.M.L.M.R.S.- he has long initials, haha!

T Goon!

Russell's lovely photography...haha!

They were attempting to build a table. It didn't work out as planned, haha!

Michael

Love him! :)

I'll post the rest tomorrow!

-xoxo-

HLT

tan lines and good times :)

We FINALLY saw the sunshine today! We spent all day on the beach. It was absolutely beautiful! The weather should continue to be as wonderful all week as it was today. I'm extremely happy about this, naturally. Even though we've had rain all week, we have all had a blast. I have really enjoyed getting away from the real world. I'm not going to be happy when I have to return to Alabama on Saturday, that's for sure!

Every night, we sit out on the balcony and talk about ridiculous things. So far, that has been my favorite part of the trip. I have laughed so hard that I thought I could have possibly pulled muscles in my abdomen, haha! My friends are amazing, to say the least. I am truly blessed :)

I have forced myself to not think about work I need to do for school while I'm here. I NEED to take a break from this stressful semester. I keep praying that things will improve. I know that they will! GOD IS GOOD!!!

I hope everyone is having a great break. I miss seeing my church family, especially. Happy Birthday, Uncle Randall! I love you and am thinking of you! :) Also, a huge thanks to my parents for taking care of my dogs while I'm gone. Oh, and the financial support is REALLY appreciated, too! I love you both very much!

Take care! God bless! :)
Haley

PS- Pictures will be posted as soon as I return. I forgot to bring my cord to upload them! I never pack everything that I need for a trip. Oops!

Finally, Spring Break 2009 is here!

I am heading to Auburn tonight. Tomorrow morning, we're heading to Destin. We've rented a house there until next Saturday. Our group is: Goon, Laura, Lester, Me, Russell, Michael, Lauren, Will, Alex, and Jenny. :) We are going to have a blast! I really needed this break. It's been a rough semester, to say the least. I hope everyone has a safe and happy break from school. I'll post pictures when I get back!

xoxo
hlt

Don't expect an apology for this one.

Once upon a time, a critic went to see a play. He wrote an article that called this particular play "absolute rubbish." He said that the man who wrote this play was "the least talented author" of their time. The play this critic saw was "A Midsummer Night's Dream." The "least talented author" of their time, according to this particular critic, was William Shakespeare. It is extremely rare to find a person who does not know who William Shakespeare is. In fact, almost everybody can name at least one of his works. However, the name of this critic has been lost in history. He did not make a difference. In the world of literature, his words meant absolutely nothing. What if Shakespeare had taken this critic seriously? What if he had stopped writing simply because someone else decided that he had no talent?

William Shakespeare certainly isn't the only author who has received harsh criticism. In fact, every piece of literature that I have studied has been bashed by someone at some point. Benjamin Franklin said, "Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain, and most fools do."

William Wordsworth said, "Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart." Today, this blog is my paper, and I am going to fill it. I am going to say everything that I would normally hold back. Reading my words is your choice, and if you become offended, it is because you made the wrong choice. The only thing I have chosen to do is write it, and I will never be wrong for writing anything that I honestly feel. What is the point of having such an exciting freedom if I am too afraid to enjoy it?

Everything doesn't have to make sense. There are some people that I just do not like. I may not ever like these people, and it makes no difference to me if they understand why I feel this way. I do not have to apologize for feeling the way that I do about anything. Why should I have to hide the fact that I absolutely cannot stand someone? I really do not know any person that has liked every person he or she met. It just does not happen. I cannot pretend to like someone who constantly judges all kinds of people, but tells others to think about what Jesus would think if He were beside them. I have studied The Bible extensively. I took The Bible as Literature as a college course, and I had the pleasure of listening to a very wise man talk about The Bible for 21 years. I pulled out my bible tonight to search for this particular verse.

"Do not judge lest you be judged. "For in the way that you judge you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. "And why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? "Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye? "You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:1-5)

My friends are my backbone. I do not mistreat them. I keep their secrets. We are all very open to each other about EVERYTHING. We do not get embarrassed around each other, no matter what the situation is. On a serious note, we've all screwed up. Some of us are really bad a lot of things, honestly. We say stupid things, do stupid things, and make stupid decisions sometimes. We also happen to love the fact that we seem to have the worst luck imaginable. We sit around and tell stories of these really stupid, bad, awkward, or strange things, and we just laugh at it. We laugh at ourselves, we laugh at each other, and we laugh at other people. It's true. We laugh so hard that our sides ache. Most of us have been friends for many years, and since we're all young, that is a pretty fantastic thing to be able to say. The reason we have all remained so close is because we treat each other with respect. We have shared many adventures. If you have ever heard of any of our vacations, you know that nothing ever goes as planned. In fact, we really stopped planning anything a long time ago. When we're all together, I sometimes feel like we went back in time. We were just a group of kids in a boring town, raising hell, getting in trouble, breaking the rules, and talking about what life would be like when we got older. Right in the middle of this thought, someone will say something really profound, and I think, "Who is this grownup?" Then, it hits me. We've grown up. We've come so far. We've been through so much. We're more than just adventure, bad luck, and laughter. We are proof that true friendship can last forever.

I will NEVER be too old to take risks. We only get ONE life. Why miss out on something because of fear? I cannot begin to try and count how many times I've heard people say that their biggest fear is FAILURE. There is so much evil in the world, but people are most scared of failing? If failure was my biggest fear, I would have scared myself to death a long time ago. I've probably failed more times than I have succeeded. Actually, go ahead and take "probably" out of that sentence. It's a fact. It is not important, though. All that matters to me is that I did not fail every single time. I have experienced much success in my life. To be honest, I had just as much fun failing as I did succeeding. It is all part of my story. It all happened for a reason. Some of my risks came with some pretty terrible consequences, but it was still worth it. The same people who judge everybody for screwing up are the same people who missed out on great experiences because they were afraid. Maybe you can call me a failure, but you certainly cannot call me a coward.

I AM A PROUD SUPPORTER OF THE HOMOSEXUAL COMMUNITY. I'm not gay, but some of the people that I love the most are gay. Marriage is about love, not gender. The love between a gay couple is just as wonderful as the love between a heterosexual couple. I hope that my generation changes the laws regarding gay marriage. There are people in our world who honestly believe that love is a choice, and because these people happen to be heterosexual, they can get married. At the same time, there are people who wish that they could change who they love so they could be what society tells them they "should" be. But, they cannot control who they love, no matter how hard they may try. When these people fall in love, it is unstoppable. This kind of love happens so quickly that people rarely see it coming. It makes absolutely no sense. So, we try to deny it, fight it, or ignore it. This kind of love always prevails over logic, though. This kind of love is powerful. Sometimes, the people who fall into love this way happen to be homosexual. However, they cannot get married. Their love is not recognized as valid. Not everybody deserves to find true love, honestly. We all need love, but I do not believe that everybody deserves it. HOWEVER, ALL TRUE LOVE IS VALID!!!!!

I know of the evils of our world. How did we get to this point? Where did this cruelty come from? When did this hatred become so strong? Did it find us? Or, did we seek it without ever realizing it? People fall in love, get married, and have babies. One day, parents look at their children and realize that they're grown up. So, they send them out into the world. It is like sending soldiers off to war. They all know that there is evil everywhere, and all parents wonder if this evil will find the hearts of their children. Will the children win the battle against evil? Will the soldiers make it home from the war? We hope that they all have a safe return, but in the back of our minds, we know that some will be lost along the way. We all fight battles of our own. Some people are evil, fighting against good. Some people tell lies just to make it through the day, while others make the choice to face the truth. There are good men, struggling to swim in a sea of temptation. Some people choose to not fight at all, and they spend their entire lives running away. Some people are fighting to find their way home. There are all kinds of people in this world. There are all kinds of evil. What I've noticed is that there are people who talk about how wise, good, and decent they are, and then there are people who never even think to say these things about themselves. When someone really is wise, good, and decent, people figure it out without having to be told. The devil mixes lies with the truth, and that's why I fear anyone who tries too hard to convince everyone of their high morals. That is just how I feel.

Seriously, if you get upset and offended easily, I suggest you buy a BIG box of tissues, because life is tough. Nobody is going to put your feelings first if they do not like you, and there will always be people who don't like you. This will be especially true if you think that other people should show you respect that you have never shown them.

Now, I'm going to go back to what I have always done on this blog. I have always written from the heart. If you're that concerned with the contents of my heart, then do not come back here again. It's simple.

:)

get out of this place while you still have time

What have I gotten myself into?
What is it that I still see in you?
My reflection is one of a stranger,
Full of mystery, full of danger



Where is that girl, that brave dreamer?
Do you know her? Have you seen her?
Is she out there fighting the battles of the world?
Does she wish she were still that strong little girl?


Is my heart really made of stone?
Is all of my hope already gone?
Come back to be, sweet motivation.
Please, take away all complication.


I lost everything, and it set me free.
But, it also took away a part of me.
The puzzle box spilled onto the floor
The wind blew the pieces out of the door.


Pieces of me were gone with the wind,
And I know that I’ll never see them again.
Parts of my past went into the sky,
And at that moment, I learned how to fly.


When I do not know just what to say
I remember how free I felt that day
Then, just as I did before
I pour the pieces onto the floor.