...as if you wondered why.

I've had to do a lot of thinking lately. I've been pushed by friends to make certain decisions, and although I know that they only want the best for me, I've come to find that the "best" for me is whatever it is that makes me happy.

What does make me happy? Is it a bright future with money and prestige? Or, is it days spent laughing, loving, and making memories? See, I know that no matter what, I have the abilities to go out and get the things I want in life myself. I do not have to rely on who I end up with to do these things for me. I'm not looking to be a housewife. I know that I have talents that were only given to me so that I'd use them to benefit myself and all of the people who will be in my future. As long as the person I end up with is happy with himself, and does not rely on me to provide for him, then I am fine. I know that one day, money will not be an object for me because of the profession I will most likely enter.

But, there will be years where I struggle. And, as I'm sure you've already figured out, the real lesson is in the struggle, not the victory. When you reach the end result, that means that it's all over. I'm not ready for it to be over. As long as you can have the things you need, the things that you want are just at arm's length. So, don't judge me, please, for doing all of the senseless things that I do.

Maybe you think they have defined me.... but I think that they've only pushed me to define myself. So, what am I? I'm an all too liberal, bossy, big-hearted, scared (in the most fearless way possible) chance taker who loves photographs, babies, puppies, and bad reality TV. I make mistakes (often), but learn from them (most of the time). I'm too random for some people, too snotty for others. I try to not be judgemental, but I am, and I've accepted it, but am still making an effort. I ask questions that aren't important, and I always want my answer. I'll push you away when I need you the most, and I'll still hate you for leaving, even though I acted as if that's what I wanted you to do. I listen to music too loud, and make the most random CD's known to man, but I love it blasting with the wind in my hair. I have too much fun, and wouldn't have it any other way. I can have a conversation about anything, and do this in the most innappropriate times possible. I take too many pictures, and I want to leave behind a legacy of someone who just loved to laugh. I really do believe that my friends are the best in the world, and they've been my lifeline more than they'll ever be aware of. Sometimes I disappoint them, and sometimes I disappoint myself. I wear my heart on my sleeve even though I'm warned against it, but still hold back at the one perfect moment when I should speak up. I am human. This is what I am, and in all it's flaws... I think I'm pretty fabulous. And, you know what? You should, too. =]