ACCEPTANCE.

"People fear death even more than pain. It's strange that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death. At the point of death, the pain is over."
Jim Morrison

I accept that he's gone. I do this because I have no other choice. Death is not something that can be avoided, nor should it be. It is the end of one life, and the beginning of a life in a place much more wonderful than this. There are no wars there. There is no poverty, hunger, anger, or pain. There is no regret, hate, or worry. I accepted long ago that this place existed. However, I found it hard to accept that the people that I love will make the transition from here to there. I have never feared my own death. I have never seen death as something to be afraid of. I know where I'm going when I die. I know the contents of my heart. The problem that I have is one caused by pure selfishness. I do not want to give away those who I love. When it comes to accepting death, children seem to have an understanding that adults do not. When Wayne passed away, I was 5. I did not understand, and I asked my mom where he went. She said, "He went to Heaven." That answer was enough for me. I felt special because I knew someone who was in Heaven. When Lisa passed away, I was not much older, but I still found comfort knowing that she was with Wayne. Oh, he loved her so much. I was at peace. Through the years, I saw many people go to Heaven. There was Iva, followed by Belton. As a child, that made sense to me. I wanted them to be together. Granny Smith passed away, and I was glad to know that she was in a place where pain did not exist. I lost my Grandfather when I was 7, and I understood. The years passed by, and I started to have a different view of death. We lost Seth, Tabitha, Jason, John, Grant, and Sharon all within a 4 year span. These were people that were my age, and I no longer saw the peaceful side of death. I was not afraid of it, but I certainly hated it. I was growing up, and I lost the innocence that only children can have. The world that we live in is a cruel one, and it takes a toil on our souls each year that we are here. As we grow older, we are told that we will gain knowledge and wisdom. But, not much is said about what we lose. Children are seen as gullible. If you tell them that something is true, they believe it. They do not feel the need to analyze each detail, searching for flaws and errors. They are innocent, and when they love someone or something, it is a love that is pure and without motive. The bond between God and children is strong, because it is without doubt or question. As a 21 year old, I wonder when I stopped having the blind faith that children are known for. I remember the songs we sang in Vacation Bible School that had lyrics such as, "Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world..." In times like this, maybe we should stop worrying about acting like adults and let whatever childish thoughts we may have be the ones that matter the most. Maybe we should let a tiny bit of that blind faith come back into our lives.

Like I said, I accept this because I have no other choice. There are many things that we, as human beings, cannot control. We are not meant to have control over these things, because they are, and always will be, beyond our realm of understanding. When I do understand these things, it will be because my time has come to leave this earth. I accept this fact, and I will no longer waste my days here wondering "why?" It is not my time to know the answer, and I accept that with ease.

Maybe the stage of acceptance that I have reached is not conventional, but it is real. I feel it with every ounce of my being. Most of the stages will repeat, and I accept that, too. I will still be angry sometimes. I am still grieving. I may catch myself in denial at times. All of this is normal, and I cannot punish myself for feeling the way that I do. All that I can do is accept the past, embrace the present, and prepare myself for whatever the future has in store for me.

"...Thy Kingdom come
Thy will be done
on Earth as it is in Heaven..."

Love,
Haley



"Death is nothing at all,
I have only slipped away into the next room,
I am I and you are you;
Whatever we were to each other, That we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used,
Put no difference in your tone,
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we shared together.
Let my name ever be the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant,
It is the same as it ever was, there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well. "
Henry Scott Holland, Canon of St. Paul's Cathedral



There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.
Shel Silverstein, Where The Sidewalk Ends