GRIEF.

Today, I learned the greatest lesson of them all.

The learning began last night as I pulled into the parking lot of the most beautiful church in the world. I saw our parking lot packed with cars, even though the viewing would not begin for another thirty minutes. As I got out of my car, my jaw dropped. There was a line of people that began at the front porch and went all the way to our church sign. These people were standing in the cold, hugging each other, crying, and passing out tissues. As I walked by the line, I heard numerous compliments about my dear friend, and I prepared myself to be strong and keep my emotions under control. Members of our church always go through the back door in situations like this. It reminded me of how many people, in their homes, use the back door more often than the front door. However, when we have guests in our homes, we expect them to use the front door. Of course, our close friends can use whichever door they wish. As I’ve grown to learn, some friendships are so strong and so full of love that they become family. I think that we all use the back door at the church because to many of us, it feels like home. People enjoy being at home because they can be their true selves there. People feel safe at home. People feel loved at home. Many of us have found those same comforts in Alpine Baptist Church. It just feels like home. We are more than a congregation. We are a family. We have a bond that is unbreakable, unconditional, and extremely rare. This bond was created, nurtured, and strengthened by love. The love that our church family shares is one that knows no boundaries. This love can overcome all obstacles. This love will last far longer than a lifetime, and will continue to be passed down from generation to generation. This love has become a part of who we are, both as a whole and as individuals. In the smallest, most sacred place in Brother Larry’s heart, you could find an abundance of this love. Because all of his sermons came directly from his heart, tiny pieces of this love were passed to each of us by his words of wisdom. Over the years, some people have hearts so filled with this love that their hearts have to expand in order to make room for more. This would explain the big heart phenomenon in our church. This love began in the heart of a wonderful man and his devotion to teaching about God and His word.

As I walked up the stairs to enter the fellowship hall, I took a deep breath and told myself to keep it together. However, as soon as I walked in, I saw the faces of the people who mean the most to me in the world. I saw Aunt Lou, and I immediately hugged her. The tears were streaming down my face, and I could not stop shaking. I turned around and saw Patsy, and she opened her arms to me. I sobbed on her shoulder, and she just held me. Beside Patsy was Mary Beth, who can read me like a book. Before I knew it, I was crying in her arms, too. Last in line, there was my Gail. She is the strongest person I know, and she is one of the people I hold dearest to my heart. I wept as we hugged, and I found myself wishing that I had half of the strength as she did. I know that if she could have passed on some of that strength to me, she would have done it in a heartbeat. That is the type of person that Gail is. In fact, that is the type of person that many members of our church are. These wonderful women that I’ve known for my entire life knew exactly how to give me comfort. They opened their arms and their hearts, and they stayed strong when I couldn’t. I do not know what I would have done if they had not been the first people that I saw when I arrived. As I walked to the sanctuary, the love and comfort they gave me wrapped around me like a blanket from my childhood. It kept me warm, and I felt safe.

I entered the sanctuary, and while I was hesitant, I decided that I had to have a glance in the casket, just to make sure that this was, without a doubt, real. What I saw, though, did not make me as upset as I thought it might. I took one look at the face I’ve seen so many times over the past 21 years, and I knew that the man I admired so much had left his body long before. The Brother Larry that I remember always wore a smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that touched anyone’s heart who saw it. His eyes would crinkle, and the laugh lines on his face were his most beautiful feature. He had the type of laugh that could fill a room in a matter of seconds. It was one of my favorite sounds to hear, and many times, it was like music to my ears. This is how I will always remember him.

Standing by the pew that was once occupied by Wayne Joiner was Mrs. Ann. She looked beautiful. I made my way over to her, and by the time she turned around, big salty tears covered my face. We hugged for a long time, and I realized that I had forgotten how good it was to hug her. When I think of Mrs. Ann, I remember how I admired the way she held the hymnal as we stood during church when I was younger. She did not sing the words, but there was something about the way she stood that I found to be graceful and elegant. After Samantha was born, she did begin to sing the hymns, and although she often held a baby in one arm, she still held the book in the other, just as she always had. In our modern day society, it is extremely rare to find a lady like Mrs. Ann unless it is in a book about true southern belles. She was Larry’s perfect counterpart. As we all know, he often sang much louder than the rest of the choir. Actually, most of what he did and/or said was louder than everybody else. On the other hand, Mrs. Ann rarely raises her voice. She communicates in other, more subtle ways. Her voice is soft, polite, and comforting. He often mentioned things about Mrs. Ann in his sermons, and it was obvious to anyone who knew him just how much he loved her. Sometimes, when I was younger, I would see them catch each other’s eye during a hymn or his sermon, and they would both smile. They were perfect for each other, and even as a child, I saw that. Last night, after we hugged, Mrs. Ann said, “He loved you. He was so proud of you. We’re all going to be okay.” And, as I looked her in the eyes, I saw that she really believed what she said. If I’ve learned anything over the years, it is that Mrs. Ann does not say things that she does not mean. She’s the wisest person I know, and I hope she knows how much I love her.

As I walked to the other side of the church, I saw Terry Roberson sitting with his family. He is another person that I have always admired. He is brilliant, kind, and a wonderful teacher. God gave him the gift to touch others as he teaches them, and this is exactly what he has done. When I saw him last night, I could see the pain in his eyes. I went over to him, and just as I did with all the others, I lost it as soon as he hugged me. I could feel his despair. He and Brother Larry could have easily passed as brothers. They had a special bond, a real friendship, and an understanding of each other that most people do not have. To see Terry so heartbroken made me look at him in a completely different light, and I saw strength in him that I’d never noticed before. I have never admired him more than I did last night. He is such an important part of this church and the family we’ve created inside of it, as are his parents and siblings. He always carries himself with class, and even in his darkest hour, he had a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

The last person whose shoulder I cried on last night was Neva. I can see so much of Brother Larry and Mrs. Ann in her. Like her dad, Neva has a wonderful laugh. She laughs often, and she spreads her optimism to all those around her with a smile on her face. The words she said as I hugged her sounded exactly like the advice given to me by Brother Larry when I came to him as I recovered from the death of one of my classmates. I asked her how she held it together so well, and she said, “It’s not me.” Those three words were of great comfort to me, because I felt as if somewhere along the way, she found reason to hope, laugh, and be strong. That is exactly what her dad would have done. She is also a lot like her mom. She is kind, gentle, and knows how to act like a lady. She worries about the feelings of others, and she goes out of her way to help others find comfort and peace. Like her mother, she is a fantastic teacher, and she pours her heart into her classroom and her students. Her positive attitude soothed the worries of many of the people who were there last night. I hope she knows how proud her dad would be of her.

I stayed at the visitation for over three hours. For several days, I had been unable to explain how I felt about everything. I was confused, and I did not discuss it with anybody, because I did not think I could ever describe Brother Larry and do him justice. Sometimes, people got confused when I talked about him in the past. I think they were thrown off by the description “my pastor, who is also a defense lawyer and a democrat”. Not only does that description leave off half of his many careers, but it does not explain who he was as a person. It cannot be put into words, honestly. If I even tried, I’m not sure that anybody would believe it. There are not many people around like him. He was one of a kind. Although one Larry Morris was wonderful, I’m convinced that if two Larry Morris’s existed, they could have easily conquered the world. I walked around the church for a long time, and I just looked around. All I could think about was how much I’d been missing that place. Alpine Baptist Church is my favorite place in the world, and I am who I am because of the family I have within those walls, as well as the lessons I’ve learned there.
I could not get any sort of sleep last night, so I sat up and thought. I thought about all of the faces I saw earlier that night, and how fast the years have flown by. I remembered how, as a child, I would mimic Patsy's arm movements as she directed the music. I remembered how I admired how beautiful Louanne looked as she played the piano, and it influenced me to take piano lessons for many years. I remembered being amazed as I watched Mary play the organ, and I was always proud to say that she was my great-aunt. I caught myself wishing that I could go back in time for a day or two. Our Sunday school room would be by the old kitchen, and Wayne would come and give me Hershey kisses, even though my mom told him not to. Then, I’d travel to the Christmas Eve Midnight Mass when we knocked over the memory candles and the table went up in flames. I would go to the Easter Egg Hunts, Vacation Bible School, and trips in the old church bus. The tennis courts would still be up, and the men would still have a softball team. Dr. Phil would remind me every Sunday that he was, and always will be, much cooler that I am. Aunt Lou would have the Mickey Mouse watch that played music, many times during church. The last stop on this time travel trip would be to any Sunday that we sang “Lily of the Valley”, just to hear Brother Larry sing the loud part that we all found hilarious. Oh, I’d go back in a heartbeat. I’d relive it all if I could. Because of this church, I have never had a day in my life that I didn’t feel loved.

Today, John delivered a beautiful message. I do not think anybody could have done a better job. We laughed, we cried, and we remembered a man who touched our hearts for so many years. We sang “Victory in Jesus”, I couldn’t help but cry when I heard Patsy sing. I’ve never heard her sing so beautifully. She looked like an angel. When I closed my eyes, I could almost hear Brother Larry chiming in with the rest of the congregation. As John said his closing statements, he reminded us that the sun would shine through the clouds. At that exact moment, sunlight filled the entire Sanctuary, and chills ran up my spine. I could feel his presence. I looked around, and I could see that many others were thinking the same thing as I. Brother Larry always did like to make a noticeable entrance, but none was ever as beautiful as this.

Like I said, I learned an important lesson today. Brother Larry spent his entire life loving and laughing, and all you ever really need to know is to always love and laugh.

"Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends."
John 15:13