two years later...

Dear You,

I cannot believe it has been two years since you left us. So many things have happened in the past few years. Everything is changing, and I’m not sure what to think about the future. You know, our parents all told us that time would fly by faster every year. Unfortunately, they were right. I remember the crazy stunts we pulled in Mr. G’s class, and I can’t believe it has been so many years since then. It seems like only yesterday, to be honest. When did we all grow up? Did I completely miss that memo? Or, did I just ignore it? Either way, we’re adults now. For some reason, I feel guilty about leaving you behind. I hate getting older, because you’ll always be the same age. It just isn’t fair. Actually, I don’t know many things that ARE fair these days. I’m so tired of losing people that I care about. I don’t know how much more of this I can handle. I’ll stop complaining now, but if you are able to pull some strings for me up there, it would be fantastic. ;)
I wish I could rewind my life, then relive it all again. I’d go back to our high school graduation. You sat in front of me, and John Wayne sat behind me. If I’d only known…….. well, you know where I’m going with this. I’d go back to the summers on the lake, when we all felt so free and fearless. I’d go back to 7th grade, when you decided to remove your braces in Mrs. Ray’s awful math class. I’d travel over to 8th grade, when your hair caught on fire during band. Of course, I’d have to spend a day in Mrs. Coleman’s class, even though she never understood that Alexander Smith and Grant Smith equaled one person, Alexander Grant Smith, which was you. Hey, at least you got two A’s, right? I miss your laugh. It was so full of mischief and good intentions. When we lost you, it really hit us hard. Our class really came together, and once again, we stood together as we said goodbye to another classmate and friend. I hope you’re hanging out with the rest of the ’05 members up there. I’m sure y’all are behaving! Riiiight… :)

I want you to know that no matter what, we’ll never forget you. Some people say that in twenty years, we won’t remember all of the classmates that we’ve lost. That isn’t true for our class, though. We’re different. We always have been. Losing all of you so early forced us all to go out into the world and fight for our dreams. We realize how precious life is, and how important it is to make a mark while we’re here. Any victory we make is a victory to all of you that are no longer with us on Earth. We MISS YOU ALL!

Even though I know you cannot read this, I still have this hope that it will find you somehow. I need to ask you a favor, sweet friend. See, I recently lost someone who I love very dearly. Can you please let him know how much we all love and miss him? I am still having such a hard time dealing with the fact that he is no longer here, and I just need to know that he is okay. I want to know that he is happy, safe, and surrounded by love. I miss him so much, friend. It breaks my heart over and over again. I never pictured getting married without him there to do the ceremony. He has always been my hero, and that will never change. He made such an impact on the world. He left behind the legacy of someone who devoted his life to helping others. He was loved by many, and he spent his entire life spreading that love every single place that he went.

I have so many questions about Heaven. In my head, I picture Heaven as more of a feeling than a place. Have you ever been so happy that you could just burst? That’s how I picture Heaven. Is Heaven different for every person? Is it something too wonderful to put into words? Will I really get to see all of you again? Please, let the answer be yes. That thought brings me comfort. It gives me hope. It makes me believe in the power of love. And, that’s what God is, right? God IS the word, and that word is LOVE.

You know, I’ve always heard that these hard times can only make you stronger. I’m not sure how I feel about that anymore. I think that there are things that happen in your life that influence the decisions you make, the friends you have, the places you go, and the beliefs you come to develop. These life experiences mold your character. They help determine what types of things you gravitate towards, and what you’re afraid of. These things that you fear affect you for the rest of your life. They determine how you act towards other people, and in the end, all of these things come together to form a new person. This new person takes over the person who existed before, and by the time you realize what is happening, it is too late to stop it. Then, you waste time trying to find the person that you were before, even though you know that you’ll never be that person again. The innocence is gone, and it is filed away with the rest of the things we left behind.

I’m terrified of growing older. I don’t think I’m ready. I don’t think any of us are ready. We had to grow up so fast, and as thankful as I am for our strength, I still find myself wishing that we could just go back to the days when it all made sense. I wish I could still feel invincible. I wish I did not know how cruel the world can be sometimes. I’ve never been afraid to die. I never thought much about death at all, to be honest. Sometimes, death would have been a relief to me. Death would have taken me away from the anguish and despair. Death never came to me, though. It skipped right over me, and did not give it a second thought. It just isn’t my time to go, I guess. It is possible that God put you in our lives to teach us a lesson about the way we’d all chosen to live our lives. Before we lost you, we were headed down paths of destruction. We’d lost ourselves long before, and it took so much just to make it through one day. Then, you left, and in our world, time just stopped. The minutes passed on the clock, but we never seemed to notice. One day, though, we all realized that we were wrong. The world kept spinning, and before we knew it, a year had passed by. Here I am, with another year in the books, and I still feel exactly the same about death as I did a year ago. I’m still confused. I still don’t get it. I still feel like I’m drowning in a pool of questions with answers that nobody knows. Please, don’t let me get in over my head. Help me win this fight, friend. Help me learn to let go…

I talk to you all the time. Most of the time, it is late at night when I cannot seem to fall asleep. Sometimes, we still catch ourselves waiting on you to walk through the door, wearing your signature grin, naturally. I remember how you loved your yellow bike, and how you seemed to fly on it. I can’t picture you with wings, but I can picture you on a bike with wings. Never stop flying, sweet friend.

Thank you for watching over us, always. Thank you for the memories. Thank you for being our angel. Please send our love to the rest of the gang. Don’t worry, we’ll be with you one day.

I love you. I’ll be seeing you.
Haley

Position Paper- Mary Shelley's Frankenstein and John Milton's Paradise Lost

After reading both Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein and John Milton’s Paradise Lost, one can easily recognize the similarities shared by several of the characters. Both books address the idea of creation, which includes both the creator and the being that is brought to life. Mary Shelley never attempted to hide the influence Paradise Lost had on her book, as she uses a quote from Paradise Lost in her epigraph, which says, “Did I request thee, Maker, from my clay/to mould me man? Did I solicit thee/from darkness to promote me?” This not only prompts readers to connect the similarities between the characters, as it also encourages readers to question their own thoughts concerning creation.

Victor Frankenstein is a man searching for knowledge. He craves it, actually, and is so focused on finding it that he forgets about any consequence that may come with this knowledge. Being a scientist, he is extremely excited about the concept of doing something that had never been done before. He wanted to make an impact on the world, and like most people, he wanted to be remembered as a person who made a great accomplishment. Using scavenged body parts, Frankenstein creates a being, which he never even gives a name. He refers to the monster as, “devil”, “wretched devil”, and “abhorred devil”. In Paradise Lost, the character of God is often referred to as “the Victor”, which leads me to believe deeply in the level of influence Milton’s novel had on Shelley’s. God and Victor Frankenstein both create life, and just as Victor Frankenstein cast away his creation, God cast away the Devil. Many readers of Frankenstein immediately grasp the concept of Victor Frankenstein playing God. Frankenstein not only creates life, however. He also destroys it, both directly and indirectly. He creates the monster. After the monster requests a mate, Frankenstein creates another being. Then, he destroyed it, causing the monster to be angry. Seeking revenge, the monster murders Victor’s new bride, and this caused Victor’s father to die of grief. By the end of the novel, however, the monster seems to have stolen the role of God from Victor Frankenstein. The actions of the monster now determine the actions of Victor Frankenstein. Victor ends up devoting his life to chasing the monster, and he dies in the process. As soon as the monster realized that Victor was not capable of playing God, he switched the roles. He warns Victor of his ability to reverse the roles when he says, “Remember, thou hast made me more powerful than thyself; my height is superior to thine; my joints more supple.” In Paradise Lost, Adam asks God for a mate. God gave Adam a mate, and the two continued to live in their natural roles. Because Victor did not care about the happiness of his creation, the monster took over as God, forcing Victor into the role of man, leaving him completely powerless and alone. The monster says to Victor, “Man, you shall repent of the injuries you conflict.”
The monster created by Victor Frankenstein had no control over his existence. Like Milton’s Adam, he is frustrated with his creator. The monster, like Adam, is completely alone. He is capable of love, but lacks a partner. In fact, the monster read Paradise Lost, and after reading Adam’s request for a mate, he decided to ask Victor Frankenstein to create another being like him, since his appearance scared away all of the humans that he met. Victor Frankenstein also shares personality traits with Milton’s Adam. Like Adam, Victor searches for knowledge. After finding this knowledge, though, he realizes that he was would have been better off without it. Victor’s entire life changed the minute he found and used the knowledge that he so desperately wanted. Both Adam and Victor failed to think about the consequences that would come with this knowledge, as both were blinded by the thought of having a new understanding of life.

Finally, the monster in Frankenstein is similar to the Devil in Paradise Lost. Milton’s Devil was created by God, but was cast away. The monster was created by Victor Frankenstein, and was also cast away. The monster and the Devil both seek revenge upon their creators, and devote their entire existence to this cause. Both characters are seen as mutated, grotesque, and despised. They were rejected by the society in which they were created.

In conclusion, I believe one will gain a better understanding of Victor Frankenstein and the monster in Frankenstein after he or she understands the roles that God, Adam, and the Devil play in Milton’s Paradise Lost. The monster first attempted to play the role of Adam, and it was only after that attempt failed that he began to become similar to the Devil. If seen in this light, the monster becomes a more human character than before, and readers are more able to sympathize with this character and his unfortunate condition in life. Likewise, one may also see Victor Frankenstein going from a strong character resembling Milton’s God to a hungry, regretful, and clearly human character that better resembles Adam than God. Without understanding the influence Paradise Lost had on Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, the story of creator vs. creation can be twisted into a horror story about a monster on a killing spree. When one understands the influence, however, it becomes a story about power, knowledge, grief, anguish, pain, revenge, love, hate, and rejection. Most importantly, it is a story about life, touching both sides of the birth and death spectrum.

The Man Who Loved To Laugh and Live

I've read the great poems of the past
and heard quotes by famous men.
But, I'd give up all of this knowledge fast
just to hear your voice again.

You were the kindest man I'd ever known
and one of the wisest, too.
I still can't believe that you're gone,
and I know that I'll always miss you.

I saw your notes written in the books
that I, like you, adore.
From the church, three books I took,
and you know I'll go back for more.

I feel as if you left us too soon,
and I can't stop wondering why.
Late at night, in the light of the moon,
I think of our loss as I cry.

The wind blew all of your flowers away,
and all that remains is dirt.
I stood in front of it with so much to say,
but the silence made me angry and hurt.

The choir still wears the black and white robes,
but the songs don't sound the same.
We re-tell the stories that everyone knows,
and we smile each time we say your name.

I glanced out window, high on the hill,
at your final resting place.
A mix of emotions are what I feel
as I picture your smiling face.

Please, know that we all understand
that you will keep us safe and warm.
We know that you are in God's hand,
free of all worry, away from all harm.

The man who loved to laugh and live
is with the ones we love
flying with angels holding blessings to give
to us, from the land up above.

Love always,
Haley