I've been thinking a lot about you lately. Today, it was raining and I thought about two summers ago at the lake when you jumped off of the roof in the rain. I'd never seen anybody look more alive than you did at that very moment. It seems so weird that you're not here anymore, even though most of us haven't admitted that it will be a long time before we see your smiling face again. We all still catch ourselves waiting on you to come in the door when we're all together... and even though we don't see it happen, in a way, we know that you're there. It still doesn't seem fair that you had to go, but we've all learned to trust God's plan for each of us. You brought us closer to him, although it took us all questioning his existance before we truly found him inside of our hearts. We know that He must have needed you up there much more than we did down here, even though that's often hard to imagine.
I have to wonder, though, what you think of everything going on down here. We're all getting older, taking different paths that lead us away from home and towards new places and ideas. We're changing, see, and it makes us think about the paths you'd be taking, and the person you would be today. Instead, you've taken on a new form that we'll also take one day. So many of us have joined you already. There was a third, a fourth, and a fifth after you and I wonder if it's a metaphor for the way that we live, or don't live, as some of us choose to do even though the opportunity is still them for them. We're all breaking apart here, and I wonder what you think is happening to us. Is this what is in the books? Are we meant to be thrown apart by jealousy, anger, hate, and bad intent? What is going on here? Sometimes I think that all it would take to bring everyone back together would be you walking through the door, saying something completely off the wall as you often did, smiling from ear to ear with a heart as pure as gold, as yours always was. While our country is at war, many of us are also at war with ourselves and with each other, even though we've always been like a family. Is it meant to happen this way? Am I trying to stop what is ultimately inevitable? Nobody's the same, and I know that in some way, you can see it. Help us out down here, because we're obviously struggling with some pretty intense battles. Some of our hearts are in great need of repair, and it would be nice if you could ask the man upstairs for some assistance for those who still miss you every single day.
I still don't think that it's right. I still don't think it's fair that I can look outside and see the sun shining through the clouds and you can't. You're beyond the clouds, past the stars, and straight into the land that we all strive to end up in, as well. I'll never stop thinking that you should still be here, and I'm not the only one. I'll never forget the way that we sobbed for days and found solace and comfort in each other in your passing. You did a great thing for us, friend. You made us question how much we would be missed, as well as the legacy we would leave behind. You showed us that when our hearts feel empty, we should turn to each other in order for it to be filled up again with hope, faith, love, and the ability to dream like there was no tomorrow. You reminded us that tomorrow is a dream, not a promise, and it will NEVER be guaranteed, no matter how much money we make, or how beautiful we are on the inside or out, or how much luck we think we've been given. You and the rest of our gang in heaven gave us the best gift we could ever find it possible to receive, although I must admit that it took us awhile to finish unwrapping it. You gave us knowledge that only people who have seen death and felt that type of sorrow can have.
Thank you for watching over us, even though we don't always deserve it. Sometimes, when we're all together and laughing, it's like you never even left us for a second. You and all that you loved lives on in us, and we will NEVER forget the person that you were and the angel that you are for each of us. Friendships don't end just because lives do, and we are so thankful that you've continued to show us love and support from so many miles and steps away. We hope that you can still feel the love that we carry for you and your memory, as well. We love you so much and miss you just as much now as we did the day we got the worst phone call imaginable.
Your friend ALWAYS,
Haley
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