"I love you. Most ardently."

You make my soul smile.

I wonder, sometimes, if it is even remotely possible that you know just how much you mean to me. Then, I remember that you are not a mind reader, and I cannot expect you to know the thoughts I have stored away in this curious brain of mine. This, to me, is a relief, because I refuse to imagine my life without you somewhere in it, which is my prediction of what would happen if I let myself rely on someone else for my own happiness. The idea of any relationship being that vital to my sanity terrifies me. Loving someone means giving up on the need to be in control of every aspect of your life and learn to just let some things happen on  your own. You cannot plan love. I did not plan to love you, but I do. I have all along.

I look at you and see someone with all the potential in the world. I know that you will do great things in your life. I have never doubted that. Ever. And, I want you to be successful. I want you to have the best of everything. I want all of your dreams to come true. We are both dreamers, and I worry that by loving you, I force you to fit my dreams into your master plan. I do not want you to have a second rate version of your idea of an ideal life. You deserve the real deal. 

You have always appreciated my quirks. My clumsiness makes you smile. You know how to make me laugh, and you constantly do. I would take a bullet for you in an instant, but I know you'd never let me. You can hear my voice and tell what kind of day I'm having. In my movie, you are the guy that makes an enormous comeback in the end, saves the day, and rides off into the sunset with me by your side. You're my Mr. Darcy. You're my best friend. You're my drug of choice. Your laughter is my favorite song. I never feel more at home than I do in your arms. 

This is not the kind of "I love you" that comes with me asking for anything in return. The only thing I need from you is for you to just keep being exactly who you are. That is the person that I love. No matter where our lives take us, I will forever be in your corner. There will never be a day that I don't have your back. I will be your shoulder to lean on, your hand to hold, and the ear that listens to you vent. This is the unconditional, selfless kind of "I love you." The point of it is not for you to hear it, it is just for me to say it.

I saw this painted on a sign in a little boutique a while back. It makes me think of you:

"I loved you once;

I love you still.

Always have,

always will."